Archive for July, 2010

Does this thing go any higher?

MUY CALIENTE!

If anybody wants to know how hot it has been in LA for the last two months… And how much your electricity costs when your fridge is freezing over and refuses to turn off– the EXACT amount is $413.45 for 60 days.

That doesn’t include the cost of the NEW fridge, of course. ($883… with free delivery and a 10% discount.)

To put these numbers into perspective, I could have bought 324 overpriced Marvel Comic Books with that money and suffered through 2,268 NEEDLESS COMPANY ADS stuffed in the back of each book (at an average of 7 useless promo ads per title) so the comic book publisher previously known as the HOUSE OF IDEAS could “justify” charging me an extra dollar per comic.

Hey, Marvel! HERE’S A STORY FOR YA!

When I was a kid, I got a $5 per week allowance. I was rolling in dough.

Today that would buy me EXACTLY ONE comic book. After tax, I would have just enough change left over to phone my parents to BAIL ME OUT OF JAIL– after getting caught breaking into the local pharmacy after hours…So I could steal drugs to sell for cash to feed my comic book habit. Those NINE different Batman one-shot comics that DC is printing in October aren’t going to pay for themselves, you know!

God help me if I fancied one of those delicious HARDCOVER editions you jerks pump out every week. I’d have to wait 5 or 6 weeks before I could save up enough money to purchase one… And then it would probably sell out before I had enough cash to pay for it.

CAN SOMEONE ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR ME?

How many comics do you think that Marvel & DC will be printing every month when ZERO kids can afford to read them anymore… And their current customers are all 90 years old and pissing themselves in nursing homes?

How many are you going to sell then, Marvel? How about you DC? Do you care?

THE TRUTH:

How we will ALL download comics in the future!

SAVED by the BEAVER!

Posted: July 31, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Well, our first ever “Cussing Catch Phrase Contest” was a complete bust… Sort of.

And women say size DOESN'T matter. Mr. Funny Beaver would disagree!

In hindsight, it was ridiculously idiotic of me to run a contest when the site was less than a day old and had only 1 regular viewer (that would have been me). So, of course, there were NO entries.

ZERO. ZIP. ZILCH.

I was a little disappointed in the results but I simply held the contest– Too. Soon. I had decided to chuck the whole idea about the same time I started looking at the site’s stats yesterday. I was instantly amused by all the crazy things people had typed into a Google search that eventually led them here.

Phrases like:

iron man crossed with wonder woman, swear all you like buffy, cosplay comic ass, fuck you all fuckers and funny beavers

I suddenly realized that the same internet surfers that had inexplicably found themselves here had also inadvertently answered my siren call for a Site Motto… For what better phrase to use to represent this site than one that was completely random and unintentional? That said, I had a really hard time deciding between “fuck you all fuckers” and “funny beavers”.

Finally, I decided to go with the latter– since I think I probably type the word “fuck” on this blog more than most porn sites do.

You can find the NEW MOTTO down the left sidebar on any page.

Feel free to let me know what you think of our new catch phrase– or I might be compelled to switch to the less savory– and more direct– motto!

TERRENCE HOWARD SIGNS TO PLAY ROLE ON LAW & ORDER: LOS ANGELES

Asking for a little LESS cash for Iron Man 2 is probably looking pretty good in hindsight right about now.

Don’t get me wrong. Get on the right television show and TV Money can be crazy-stupid money… Even more so for the little amount of time you’re required to work each week. And I don’t care what anyone tells you– a TV show still doesn’t carry the prestige of a dynamic film career. Hard to believe it was just five years ago that Terrence Howard came thisclose to winning an Oscar for Hustle & Flow (after also snagging plum jobs in CRASH and Ray).

He slays the role of Tony Stark’s right-hand man, James Rhodes, in Iron Man. With director Jon Favreau promising a larger role for Howard in Iron Man 2– Terrence seemed poised to start landing all kinds of leading man roles in lots of Hollywood productions.

Another wrong turn with disastrous results.

Then the rocket fizzled and his career came to a crashing halt over the insane raise either he– or his agent– allegedly demanded for Iron Man II.

Dumped dramatically and publicly by Marvel Studios– Howard had to sit helplessly and watch Don Cheadle walk away with a role that now rivaled the size and clout of Robert Downey Jr’s part in Iron Man 2. As word of Terrence’s ouster circulated through Hwood, his career instantly turned as cold as the shoulder Marvel Studios head Kevin Fiege had given him just a few weeks earlier.

THEN NOTHING

Not all quietude is good. When you’re a “hot” actor your life is crazy.

Now Howard has signed for a secondary part in Law & Order: Los Angeles. I’m not weeping for the guy– as almost any acting is a great gig when you can get it… But to go from near Academy Award winner to a revolving role as 1 of 2 different D.A.’s in a horribly tired concept show (Alfred Molina will play the other D.A.) is a remarkable letdown for a once promising movie career. His new part screams “Career Nosedive!” since Howard won’t even be working– or seen on the show– every week.

Terrence's agent may want to look into this!

Makes you wonder if the man is an incredible asshole, a prima donna or just extremely unlucky. Hell, maybe he’s all three.

Most of the luck you experience in L.A. is luck you make… And if Terrence isn’t an asshole or a prima donna– he should kick his agent roundly in the nuts for fucking his career. Good actors– especially if they are good guys– deserve better than this.

Here’s hoping Howard gets a spate of better fortune soon– because I’m sure a voice role in the underwhelming, under-performing 2009 animated film Princess and the Frog was not what he was anticipating when he sat in that auditorium nervously waiting for that Best Actor winner announcement back in 2006.

I know many of you believe American Idol is the run by the Anti-Christ and is also the biggest blight on the American Music Scene since Milli Vanilli… But, like it or not– This IS news!

AND FOR ADDICTS OF THE SHOW, IT IS GREAT NEWS!

Daily Variety confirms: DeGeneres said she told Fox and the “Idol” producers months ago that she wasn’t comfortable with returning for a second go-round on the show.

“I told them I wouldn’t leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next,” DeGeneres said. ” It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for.”

Bye, Bye Ellen! Don't let the door hit you in the Pants Suit on the way out!

The article goes on to say, “DeGeneres had another year left on her rich pact with “Idol,” but it’s believed that the host wasn’t quite comfortable with some of the critiques she had to give to contestants – something she now confirms.

“I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings. I loved the experience working on ‘Idol’ and I am very grateful for the year I had. I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be.”

RESPECT WHERE RESPECT IS DUE

Props to Variety for breaking this news… And props to Ellen for realizing she sucked at the job.

I had honestly forgotten just how brutal True Blood: Season 1 really was.

Especially for Sookie Stackhouse.

Warning: GREAT MUSIC VIDEO– But not for the squeamish!

And this, of course, will always be a classic True Blood moment:


This isn't the question I'm asking... But it's close.

There are a lot of good comic-centric blogs out there… So I feel very privileged that you have decided to spend some of your valuable time here– reading mine. I promise that I’ll always try to do my best to make things interesting. Whether or not I actually succeed will be for you to decide.

Which brings me to this topic:

Have you ever noticed how some Bloggers post a lot of shit but don’t really take the time to delve into their subjects or report on their topics… PREFERRING TO JUST ASK QUESTIONS?

Dan Slott’s taking over Spider-Ham full-time! What do YOU think of that?

The San Diego Comic Con may move to Newfoundland! What do YOU think of that?

Better than the New Avengers?

Marvel Studios just unveiled the cast of their new Great Lakes Avengers movie! Did they make the right actor picks? Do YOU think Snookie and The Situation got the shaft?

Can you believe DC is publishing 49 Bat-Mite One-Shot Comics in October? What the heck are they thinking? What do YOU think they’re thinking? Any thoughts?

DO YOU GET THE IDEA? I THINK YOU DO… DO YOU?

It’s not lost on me that my statements concerning this issue might be misconstrued as being a little pompous– especially for mentioning this sad practice when my Blog is only a couple of weeks old. But, hey– I’ve been reading blogs since the beginning of Blogs, buster… So I think my comments have just as much validity as any other person posting on this subject via the wild, wild internet(s).

And please don’t get me wrong: I think an occasional question or poll is a GREAT THING for any blog!

Questions and polls (both of which I have already generated here) are great ways to spur interest and to solicit participation from your readership… And while many of us blog because we have things we need to get off our chests… Any blogger who says they could care less if anyone reads their blog is fooling themselves… and attempting to bullshit you. Bloggers want you to read and participate.

If Bloggers didn’t want us to read their opinions– they wouldn’t publish them. They’d just walk up and down city streets mumbling to themselves. (Which is actually what I used to do before I started to blog.)

So, with the thought of questions in mind– Why do so many damn Bloggers ask so many damn questions?

Personally, I think they’re just being lazy.

I’ve designed and constructed a blog now… I am writing a blog now… And I have already admitted twice in 2 separate posts that my admiration for Bloggers has increased tremendously. If you want to do this right– it’s not easy. And, at least for me, the only way to do this right is to actually have an opinion on 99% of the subjects I focus on here. (And if I don’t have a serious opinion– then I hope I at least have a decent enough joke to make some of you laugh!)

Why Not?

There is one comic related blog I read every day where the Blogger never stops asking fucking questions. He or she (I don’t really know their sex… I think I know but I don’t really care) starts off strong every day but then as their cell phone starts to ring or other distractions of the day start to mount, they go into SQM– Serious Question Mode. How easy do YOU think it is to post some news bite (or rumor) and then ask how people feel about it? (Let me tell you just how easy it is: It took me seconds to type the previous question.) With no real opinions to formulate, you could easily becoming the Guinness Book of World Records Blog Post Poster Child by sending those suckers off into the ether at 2, 3 or 4 an hour… And still have time to scarf down a fruit pie and guzzle a coffee.

If Blog importance or validity were measured by the sheer number of posts– my Blog would definitely have the shortest, limpest, uh, post count in town. I simply can’t write 20 posts a day and still do the things in life that pay my bills. I mean, I am enjoying the experience so far– but if you think I’m gonna lose my house over this or stop [*gasp*] making enough money to buy comics or Girls Gone Wild! DVDs because of this blog… Well, lets just say, “You don’t know me.” and leave it at that. ;-)

Plus– I don’t have 20 decent thoughts every day. There. I said it. (Sadly, my indecent thoughts are legion.) There. I said that. Too. And anybody who does think that they have 20 decent musings worth posting every day better have the first name “Stephen” and the last name “Hawking”– or I’m gonna call foul!

In the end, I am adopting a strange (for me) live and let live approach to this subject. What other Bloggers do is really none of my concern. If they want to play “20 Questions” every day, let them have at it!

I know this all probably sounds just a little crazy…

What do YOU think?!?


Odinson– You’re such a Prick Tease!

I hope in the next trailer they actually have the balls to show us Thor’s face!

(Hell, I’d take a close-up of his hand wrapped around the Hammer!)

That’s 47 seconds of my life I’ll never get back!