Archive for July 21, 2010

Yeah, there are a lot of different websites telling you what you should– and should not do– when you go to the San Diego Comic Con. I’m not going to focus on any of that Comics Crap. I’ll let the other Geek websites do that. I’m going to recommend other types of fun that have nothing to do with the Con– or con activities like late night film screenings, costume contests or the private and semi-private comics related parties that litter the hotels every night.

Instead, if you are FUN-LOVING SINGLE MALE 21 or OLDER– I’m going to tell you what you need to know if you find yourself San Diego, California looking for a good time.*

(*I apologize in advance to any easily offended women who might be reading this post– as I can only speak from the male perspective– and well, some of the following might get just a little bit raunchy.)

First, You MUST Go Here

There are ALWAYS LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL SINGLE WOMEN in the Gaslamp District... and the streets are NEVER this empty! Officials obviously closed the street for this shot.

The Gaslamp District is a NON-STOP PARTY.

The street really starts heating up on Wednesday Night and then it’s basically nothing but wall-to-wall partying through the weekend. There are lots of gorgeous single women here too… And they like to dance. Don’t worry if you can’t dance. Most of the young ladies are suffering from various levels of intoxication– so they most likely won’t notice.

WORD TO THE WISE

Fellow Comic Enthusiasts: After a long day at the Con– do everybody a favor and shower, shave and brush your teeth before heading our for a night of adventure. A decent shirt that evokes cool and breezy San Diego– as opposed to some Yoda t-shirt that screams “Last laid in 2003″ will also improve your chances of having more fun.

Most of all– Treat ALL the ladies you encounter with the utmost respect. Don’t ever take advantage. Believe me when I tell you that you will hate yourself in the morning if you do– especially if you wake up in the San Diego County Jail with an assault charge hanging over your head. If you think life sucks now, get arrested by the San Diego Police. They may work in one of the most stunning cities in the world but they take no shit and do not suffer fools gladly. I guarantee you there are no cute Killer Whales in their various jails… And you do not want to be on their Shit List.

Go to the District and slowly scarf some delicious Italian food (the area is thick with wonderful places to eat). Partake in the fine bars and overflowing dance clubs. Many of the restaurants also have hopping bars where the gorgeous indigenous population seeks refuge after regular dinner hours… As the “locals” wisely steer clear of the bigger clubs when there’s a big convention in town.

Second, You MUST Go Here

(Especially if you have never been to one!)

I can't guarantee this fine looking woman will at Pure Platinum when you go-- but I CAN guarantee some other equally fine women will be there ready to suck ALL the cash out of your wallet.

Yes, that’s right. I just recommended you go to a San Diego Strip Club called Pure Platinum.

There are actually 2 Pure Platinum clubs in San Diego. The Harborside Club on Pacific Highway (my favorite place to unwind during the convention) is the closest Pure Platinum to the SD Convention Center.

Nothing like a GEEK FRIENDLY Gentleman's Club!

You’ll want to take a cab (even if you drove your car to San Diego)– because you will surely end up buying many overpriced drinks– if you’re inclined to do such a thing.

I am also not attempting to cast any illusions here. The Pure Platinum dancers are, on the whole, normally very beautiful… But their one goal, like any “exotic” dancer’s intent– is to rub up against you and get you to part with all of your money.

I have always likened these wonderful women to Reverse ATM Machines™ because that is their job– to suck money out of your wallet. You should understand this in advance because Kandy or Krystal or Starr (Not their real names– how did you ever guess?) are just at the club to work and make money. Personally, I have never blamed one of these women for doing their job… Even more so if they do it well. Of course, some dancers do their jobs better than others… :-)

My best advice– especially if going to a strip club for the first time (or even attending a LARGE strip club like Pure Platinum for the first time)– is to bring a wingman. Hopefully he or she (you’d be surprised how many women enjoy going to strip clubs and even getting lap dances) will watch out for you and you can watch out for them. That way if you get shitfaced– your friend hopefully won’t allow you to give your favorite female dancer your debit card and your cell phone so she can call Victoria Secret.

Be careful. If the lure of an expensive toy or book is too much to handle and you plan to spend most– if not all– your money inside the Convention Hall… Or if you don’t have a lot of money to spend on San Diego entertainment… I suggest you bypass these clubs altogether. If you only want to spend a certain amount of money at one of these clubs– then I suggest you put the money you want to spend on dances and dancers in one pocket and your cab money in the other… And for fuck sake– Don’t spend your cab money!

Don't let all the PURPLE fool you. The only ROYALTY recognized here are the ALEXANDER HAMILTONS and ANDREW JACKSONS coming out of your pocket. LINCOLNS will get you noticed-- but drop a BENJAMIN FRANKLIN on a nice dancer and you WILL know what it is like to be treated like a KING... For at least a dance or two.

The dancers will not be driving you to your hotel, nor will they be driving you to their house.

The same social conduct rules for the Gaslamp District apply for a Strip Club. Don’t assume because you are paying for a ladies’ attention that you can be crude. That’s a 100% FOOL move. Be nice. Be respectful. If you can manage both of these emotions while a half-naked goddess is sitting on your lap–  you’ll be surprised how much fun you can have.

Just PROMISE that you understand NONE of these women are going to get busy with you. 1 in 10,000 dancers might have sex with you– but it would most likely have to be an organic thing… Like any chance encounter. If there ever was a business where most of the employees wouldn’t dare to date the clientele– This is it. The dancers definitely won’t solicit you (unless you’re lucky enough to be David Boreanz or Tiger Woods or Jesse James)… And if YOU solicit a dancer for sex, you will most likely get thrown out of the club… Or worse, be stupid enough to land your keister in jail. So be cool.

And Remember…

DRINK RESPONSIBLY + NO GLOVE = NO LOVE.