Archive for August, 2010

Introducing the WINE RACK!

Posted: August 31, 2010 in Crap, FANTASTY, WTF?
Tags: , ,

A Tasty Treat

Simple, Breast Centric Design

The Amazon description of the product starts off amazingly straight-forward– given the laugh inducing design of the product:

Comfortable sports bra with polyurathane bladder holds 25 ounces of your favorite beverage
Medium-sized bra fits 34C through 38C
Removable polyurethane bladder custom-shaped to fit bra
Long drinking tube with easy-to-use on/off valve to control the flow
Bra is machine washable; hand wash bladder

Avoid long lines for a cool, refreshing beverage at sporting events and parties with the WineRack, which integrates a polyurethane bladder into a comfortable sports bra. This medium-sized WineRack fits 34C through 38C bra sizes and holds 25 ounces (750ml) of your favorite beverage. It includes a long drinking tube with an easy-to-use on/off valve to control the flow. In addition to free-flowing beverages, the WineRack can also keep you warm or cool depending on what you fill it with as well as increase your bust size. The bra is machine washable and the removable bladder should be hand washed.


Then the manufacturer decides to get in on the description, running through a litany of misogynistic themes that unfortunately only start with making fun of their model’s breast size.

It is a textbook example of how NOT to promote a product (of you intend to sell any):

The Winerack every girls best friend. Turn an A cup in to double Ds and sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends. Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too. Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks. We developed The Winerack to Fill Out our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is not, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money. Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash. With simple blow into the tube it’s easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.

The inner workings of this COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY device

As I was reading about the rack– laughing at the manufacturer’s magnificent marketing ineptitude– I suddenly realized there might be a silver lining in all this sexism:

I can’t wait for some female booze hound try to walk one of these on to a plane to skip the airline’s wine and liquor gouging.

If they do and they get caught– then the ladies will be taking off a helluva lot more than their shoes off at the security checkpoints!

Vive le casier à vin!

(Not really)’s ALL Wii Gold Box Sales Event starts Midnight PDT 8/31/10

Sometimes VERY MUCH worth the trouble

Like all sales, you win some and you lose some. If you’re a Wii fanatic, there’s guaranteed to be some games you  already have and some you probably don’t want.

But that’s half the fun.

The Official Teaser Trailer for the upcoming animated short film

Atomic Robo: Last Stop

(Thanks to the eagle eyes of Jose CCW*TV Melendez for the link to this cool trailer)

Tell me this kitty doesn’t have  a soul.


Be kind to animals.

They may cook your RAMEN one day!

Neko Ramen Kitty

Men can be SO demanding

A New Weekly Feature!

I actually pay someone to scour what is on all the channels and then create me a list of the many, many different shows I may want to watch. Then I agree or disagree with their discoveries. Obviously, not all of these shows will be watched this week. Some of them will never be watched– as I often wait for 6-8 weeks before I start watching any new show (unless it is expeditious or important for me to watch it earlier… Or it stars Rhona Mitra or Kim Delaney). I want to make certain some network crank doesn’t cancel their fledgling offering just as I’m getting into it. Other shows– especially a lot of reality shows– I will wait until the whole damn thing is over… So I can skim quickly through and only hit the parts that interest me.

It pays to have 5 DVRs in the house.

You may want to use this list to remind yourself what is on or to find something new you may want to watch. Get some benefit out of it!

The funny thing is… The only two shows (other than Rescue Me) I am looking forward to this week?


View at your own peril


Sunday 8/29
Prime Time Emmy Awards
Ice Road Truckers
True Blood
Big Brother 12
Mad Men

Monday 8/30
The Closer
Lie to Me

Tuesday 8/31
White Collar
Covert Affairs
Warehouse 13
Rescue Me

Wednesday 9/1
Dark Blue
Big Brother 12

Thursday 9/2
Big Brother 12
Rookie Blue
Project Runway

Friday 9/3
NASCAR Truck Series

Saturday 9/4
NASCAR Qualifying
Nascar Nationwide Race

(This list does not include my daily Countdown, AOTS and Craig Ferguson addictions.)

If you didn't watch The Gates, here's what you missed

I feel the same way, Simon. Who needs all these shitty lists?


God, I am already so very tired of creating and posting lists… And I’ve only been doing them for 2 whole weeks. Box Office Lists. New Music Lists. TV Schedule lists. Best Sellers List. Manga Release Lists. My Pull Lists.

Fuck all these lists!

This isn’t a multi-media entertainment website. I’ll let somebody else tell you whether or not Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore edged out Scott Pilgrim vs the World at this week’s box office. How boring is that shit anyway? Yet, like an idiot– I let myself be momentarily talked into adding those kinds of lists to the site.

So, sorry friend who insisted I needed to include that shit. It’s all gone. If that means we aren’t buddies anymore– then I’ll miss you… I think.

Lists are absolutely not what this site is about.

So even if some days my work and life intrudes and there aren’t any posts of note (although the Doctor Who news was pretty good for a Sunday, don’tcha think?)… That’s just the way it will have to be. I’ll post box office results when they are interesting news and leave them alone when they’re not. Same thing for the New Music Tuesday lists. Only if it is of interest.

So the only 2 lists that will survive the GREAT 2010 LIST  PURGE are: My Pull Lists and the Weekly TV Watch List. Those are the ones people seem to care about.

The New Manga Tuesday posts will show up when there are significant numbers of books to post on a list. The bulk of US Manga releases take place twice a month. There will definitely be lists then… But if there is just a trickle of Manga books during a given week… Then I’ll add them to My Pull List posts.

This idea came to me in the middle of the night. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the mission that I shouldn’t bore you with this bullshit. Instantly, I knew what my path should be: I should spend what little free time I have to tell you about stuff that matters– or stuff to avoid. At least, stuff that is absurd or funny

For in the end, who gives a shit about lists other than the list makers?


Jesus SAVES... You from UNNEEDED Entertainment Lists

A shorter break between Who appearances. That's a good thing!

Beginning in 2011, Steven Moffat has decided to SPLIT Doctor Who into 2 separate series. One 7 episode series starting around Easter. Then a Summer break. Then a 2nd 6 episode series starting in the Fall.

The Christmas Special stays in place.

Moffat thinks it is the ideal schedule for 2 reasons:

1) He can now have a HUGE cliff-hanger to end the first 7 episode arc… Something Doctor Who showrunners could never do before due to the long wait in between 13 episode seasons.

2) Fans will now never have to go too long to wait for another Doctor Who “fix”. Instead of 13 episodes appearing one after the other, all at once starting at Easter every year… Fans get 7 eps at Easter, 6 eps in the Fall and then a Christmas special on 12/25– followed by another round 7 eps the following Easter, etc., etc., etc.

Seeing more of Karen Gillan? Oh, HELL YES!

This, of course, will also allow for 2 First Nights & 2 Finale Episodes. In short, twice as many EVENT episodes.

And even though they will not be shooting more material than normal for a year (13 regular eps, 1 Christmas Special)– I bet it will feel like more material since there will now only be short breaks in-between Who appearances.

The BBC can now promote the hell out of the show almost all year long– as opposed to just every Christmas and Easter. This extra promotion can only lead to more Doctor Who viewership.

So it’s a win-win. A little frustration for those (like me) who want everything RIGHT NOW… But Hey, if I can get over it this quickly– so can you.

When I see this woman walk onscreen it's basically, "Who cares about the Doctor?"

And for those thinking why don’t they just film more episodes like American TV… Doctor Who– at 13 eps a season– already films TWICE AS MANY episodes as the average British TV series does every year. So I doubt you’re ever going to see that change at all.

In fact, with these shorter seasons also being the modus operandi for most American Cable shows– I wouldn’t be surprised to see the already ridiculously short American Network TV seasons cropped even further. The Networks don’t seem to act like they know this yet– but they are slowly but surely turning themselves into “basic cable” channels right now.

♫ He was born a Rambling Man… ♫

These TWO thoughts are the types of crazy shit my as usual over-caffeinated mind comes up with late at night.

While watching episode 5 of season 4 of The Guild tonight I realized that Felicia Day looks like the perfect star for a re-make of Sega’s Night Trap. I mean, they just re-made Piranha and they’re going to make a movie based on the friggin’ Magic 8 Ball… So things can’t get any worse.

Or can they?

Are you ready for THIS close-up Felicia?

I’m currently replaying the original Marvel Ultimate Alliance– but this time on the 360 as opposed to the PS2. Alliance is based on 2004′s X-Men Legends gameplay… But I remember when the first press information came out for X-Men Legends back in ’02. Back then the game was tentatively titled X-Men RPG. Well, that’s some funny shit… Cause I thought it was going to be like a JRPG with turn-based combat.

Far from the JRPG I thought it would be

I kept imagining Cyclops as Cloud– always moping about everything but still kicking ass. Or Wolverine as Barrett– always cussing and killing people with little Marlene as Jubilee. How about Jean Grey as Aeris… Because she always dies just when you need her the most?


This fine young woman obviously loves her Manga.

From what we can see, she apparently has good taste too.

Now THIS is what we call Fan Service!

Thanks to the Neko Ramen Kitty for the last-minute save!

I would also like to thank the One-Handed Poster for submitting the photo of this avid Manga reader!

We are always happy to spread the word that women really DO read and support Manga!

If you have a young woman of legal age (just like this Manga aficionado)– who loves to read Manga or any other type of comics– snap a pic and we’ll post it here!


Mysterious SEE THROUGH fabric that causes comic book nipples to vanish!

I have been a fan of Zenescope’s from the beginning. Even though the content in their books is often wildly uneven– I’ve always had a soft spot (maybe the opposite is true) for their Bad Girl approach to these children’s fables… The

The sweet, sweet art of Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose-- created by Jim Balent, master draftsman of the female body

main focus of their Grimm Fairy Tales series. Besides Zenescope, only one other publisher– Broadsword Comics– where owner and supreme art talent Jim Balent created and has consistently published Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose for years– seems interested in keeping this once hot comics genre alive.

So when upstart Zenescope appeared from nowhere and attacked the Bad Girl genre with a lust I hadn’t seen since the 90′s– it was both a surprise and a pleasure.

I have no problem admitting that I have enjoyed their hardcovers and trade paperbacks despite many problems with story structure, continuity and production… But then again, I also freely admit to looking at and enjoying the pictures in Playboy first– and only reading the articles if I find the interest (or the time) later.

Plus, overdosing all week on comic books stories featuring steroid pumped heroes can become very tiring… So I welcome the chance to kick back for an hour or two a couple of times a year and look at a buxom woman attempt to teach some equally attractive ne’er-do-wells a few grim “lessons” via some old childhood tales. I also appreciate that Zenescope decided to go back to the darker roots that birthed these fables– as many were written hundreds of years ago to frighten small children into unquestioning obedience. Nobody’s going to mistake Little Red Riding Hood or Hansel & Gretel for romance classics or secret odes to rebellion… Right?

There's more fun to be had in the Zenescope Universe than multiple editions of the same comics!

Oddly, it wasn’t Zenescope’s Grimm Fairy Tales series that first caught my attention. It was their Alice in Wonderland story continuation called Return to Wonderland. Created long before the latest crapfest Alice in Wonderland film was in development, I was all for this series too… As the Wonderland books seemed much more continuity conscious than a lot of the other Zenescope efforts. With Wonderland, I got my cute ladies and a seemingly well thought out story in one package. It was interesting and it was something different that I wasn’t used to seeing within the confines of Bad Girl comics.

And I was as happy as can be… Until the company started bringing out Volume after Volume of the exact same material– reprinting the same books OVER and OVER in completely different editions and trade dress (book designs). The different editions also came out far enough apart, that I actually bought the SAME BOOK– 3 times!

This is a sad admission from someone who takes pride in the care he normally uses when determining which books to buy every Wednesday. I purchase a lot of stuff each week– so it is vitally important to my mental well-being that I NOT order duplicates of books I already have in my collection.

I do not have unlimited funds for my addictions. I also do not return books that I have mistakenly bought extra copies of. I only return books that arrive damaged. I simply feel my comic book retailer is not responsible for my moments of ineptitude… So why should I put them through the hassle of processing a return?

They didn’t do anything wrong. And while I know they would take back every one of the redundant tomes I order… I find it much easier to just give them away or sell them on eBay. Since I am not a comic book retailer by trade or by choice… You can understand how little I enjoy the thought of putting books up for sale on eBay… Preferring to leave that activity to the worthy professionals who do it every day.

A Zenescope collection that doesn't suffer from "variant-itis"

As we amble our way toward the graphic examples below(why waste wonderful art?)… Please understand that I “get” the idea of variant covers. I understand that they often cause completists to buy duplicates (even if we’re discussing expensive hardcovers) or one cover may appeal to someone when another cover does not– triggering a sale that might otherwise not have happened.

What I don’t get– and what I’ll never understand… Is how dissimilar all these Wonderland covers are… Yet how they almost all look the same. Weird, huh?

And before you say, “All Spider-Man covers look the same”… You’re right. Under the aegis of Joey Q the “pin-up” covers on every Marvel comic sort of all seem to run together… Just like these Wonderland hardcover and trade paperback covers do.

The BIG difference? I can discern one Spider-Man logo from another.

It is the familiarity in tone and theme on almost every book cover that makes the whole process so damn confusing.  You used to be able look at a comic cover for a book  you had already read and know instantly what story was inside. Not now. How many damn covers of Alice bent over do I need to see (and buy) before I throw in the towel?

In my case, the answer was 3. Buying 3 of the same book– just with different covers– made me finally hang up on the Wonderland series of hardcover and trade paperback collections. The titles are so similar, the logos so much alike… I really don’t blame myself for buying them over and over. Yes, I know if I had paid more attention it absolutely never would have happened. But there is only so much effort you can put into your hobby every week before it ceases to become a hobby and transforms into an unhealthy obsession.

I guess I wanted (and needed) a more distinctive design for each series.. A more distinct logo for each book definitely. Maybe numbering the books like they did for their Grimm Fairy Tales editions. (Zenescope, you should also know putting the words Grimm Fairy Tales above the various non-distinct Wonderland logos is also confusing.) It absolutely wouldn’t hurt for you to stop changing the covers every time you print a new edition of each book as well.

In the end, I don’t know if you meant to confuse me or not Zenescope. Maybe you did– hoping I would do exactly what I did do and buy extra unwanted copies. But as I have written on this Blog before– if you make it too hard or too confusing for me to buy your books properly… Guess what? I’ll just stop buying books from your company.

Another distinctive title

Luckily, Zenescope was smart enough to number the Grimm Fairy Tales volumes so I can still buy those… And their other titles like 1001 Arabian Nights: Adventures of Sinbad and The Piper are distinct enough so I knew what I was getting into when I clicked the “buy” button.

In the end, I cannot believe this article has led me to this conclusion: I am actually advocating that Zenescope rebrand the entire Wonderland book series again. One last time so they can get it right.

Maybe then, after I’ve had another year or so to cool off– I might (emphasis on “might”) just buy them all one last time and attempt to read them in order again. In the meantime, you can easily stop this confusing crap from happening to other fans by redesigning the entire line while I cool off.

Just a thought. And before you say, “Why not just read the comics! That ought to be easy right?” If you’ve never looked, 90′s Marvel doesn’t have any advantage on variant happy Zenescope. These folks pump out several different covers for seemingly every single comic they publish.

With the frustrating idea of numerous Zenescope editions firmly in mind, here are ALL the cover for all the different editions that the company currently shows for the Wonderland Book Series on their website. Please note that I truly believe there have been more. These are just the ones I can find. Obviously the multiple cover edition ploy has been working– because they continue to do it every chance they get:

Return to Wonderland Hardcover Cover A

One of many

Return to Wonderland Hardcover Cover B

Let's do it again

Return to Wonderland Trade Paperback  A

... And again...

Return to Wonderland Trade Paperback Cover B

... And again.


Tales from Wonderland Volume 1 Trade Paperback

Alice in another harrowing pickle

Tales from Wonderland Volume 2 Trade Paperback

Alice bending over

Beyond Wonderland Hardcover

Oops! She's bending over again! (The better for you to see her cleavage, My Dear!)

Escape from Wonderland Hardcover

This is not the end!


Tales from Wonderland Volume 3 Trade Paperback

Soon to confuse me at a comic shop near you

Directed by Mr. Hahn & Kazuto Nakazawa

Bring it on, Wes!

All I can say is, “Damn!”


Wednesday August 25, 2010

Still playing after all these years!


And you thought fanboy love for Nerd Queen Felicia Day was legion. Day ain’t got nothing on Final Fantasy VII’s little flower girl Aeris.

That’s right. This legendary Japanese RPG—filled with morose misanthropic pariahs attempting to save the world… Quite possibly the progenitor for the entire emo fad… Still has thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of human gamers attempting to resurrect the beloved video game character. The revival effort is so widespread that Game Trailers has devoted an entire video to the quest. Whether the game holds a super secret key enabling Aeris to return to the land of the living or not– one thing is definitely certain: FF 7 will continue to be one of the most overrated– yet still amazing– video games of all time.

Serious. On a good day, I’m only willing to give this game a “9” on a 10 scale. Yet thirteen years later, video game fanatics everywhere would sell their mothers for a mere glimpse of an FF VII remake. Demand is so great, that I truly believe if Sony were to bite on the idea– and push the remake exclusively to the PS3– the hardware maker would finally sell enough units to catch up to the Xbox 360.

So what are you waiting for Sony? Pony up $10 million so Square Enix can create this remake! Package it with a 250 GB PS3 Slim– all for $350—and you might just save face on the sales of your ultra-powerful current failure of a system. While you’re at it– feel free to throw in multiple endings (three will do). One of them must be an Aeris revival. I’d also like to see a “bad boy” ending that involves the Shinra Corporation destroying the planet– turning it into a Mad Max environment.


I'm ONATOPP of this!

Look at this sick beast of a controller! Talk about material excess. All it takes is $20 extra for a golden controller to match my golden toilet and golden bath tub.

Don’t think so. As much as it appeals– who am I but just another broke college student? I’ll stick with the Wii Remote / Nunchuk combo that should still work just fine.


Lead character is named Vito! Really? *cough* GODFATHER *cough*

Don’t forget about this game. Don’t let it get lost in the shuffle. Everyone I know who played the first Mafia thought it was awesome. The reviews were overwhelmingly positive too. Mafia II looks like a great follow-up to the 2003 release. Supposedly more linear than GTA– but hopefully makes up for it with a more developed story. OUT NOW. As usual, I’ll have the review posted as soon as the site I trust– Game Trailers– drops it!


What's next? Bumper cars?

HOLY ASS! It doesn’t look like much but it’s nice to know that Polyphony and Sony are making sure that GT5 is the most content-packed GT yet! Go-Kart gameplay! Hey Sony! Get on delivering that PS3 Slim with PS2 backwards compatibility already!


Dog Tired or Reinvigorated?

A solid score from my favorite video game website of all time– deserving a quick mention. Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days looks to satisfy those who love third person shooters.


Rock 'em Sock 'em Batman

Looks awesome! Then again, I’ve always been a fan of beat ‘em ups ever since I played Final Fight in the arcades and Double Dragon… To see Batman getting the same beat-up  for the next generation of kids is actually very heartwarming. Also, getting the chance to tell Batman jokes while playing the game with easily impressionable cousins will only add to my fun factor.


I love me some Rock Band! The first one was great. The second is outstanding (I’m still playing)… But Rock Band 3 looks to blow Rock Band fans away. I leave you this week with the Complete 83 Song Rock Band Tracklist:

The Complete Rock Band 3 Setlist
  1. Amy Winehouse – “Rehab”
  2. Anthrax – “Caught in a Mosh”
  3. At the Drive-In – “One Armed Scissor”
  4. Avenged Sevenfold – “Beast And The Harlot”
  5. The B-52s – “Rock Lobster”
  6. The Beach Boys – “Good Vibrations” (Live)
  7. Big Country – “In a Big Country”
  8. Blondie – “Heart of Glass”
  9. Bob Marley & The Wailers – “Get Up, Stand Up”
  10. The Bronx – “False Alarm”
  11. Chicago – “25 or 6 to 4″
  12. The Cure – “Just Like Heaven”
  13. David Bowie – “Space Oddity”
  14. Deep Purple – “Smoke on the Water”
  15. Def Leppard – “Foolin’”
  16. Devo – “Whip It”
  17. Dio – “Rainbow in the Dark”
  18. Dire Straits – “Walk of Life”
  19. The Doobie Brothers – “China Grove”
  20. The Doors – “Break On Through (To the Other Side)”
  21. Dover – “King George”
  22. Echo & the Bunnymen – “The Killing Moon”
  23. Elton John – “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting”
  24. Faith No More – “Midlife Crisis”
  25. Filter – “Hey Man, Nice Shot”
  26. The Flaming Lips – “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1″
  27. Foreigner – “Cold as Ice”
  28. Golden Earring – “Radar Love”
  29. HIM – “Killing Loneliness”
  30. Huey Lewis and the News – “The Power of Love”
  31. Hypernova – “Viva La Resistance”
  32. Ida Maria – “Oh My God”
  33. INXS – “Need You Tonight”
  34. The J. Geils Band – “Centerfold”
  35. James Brown – “I Got You (I Feel Good)”
  36. Jane’s Addiction – “Been Caught Stealing”
  37. The Jimi Hendrix Experience ˆ”Crosstown Traffic”
  38. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – “I Love Rock ‘n Roll”
  39. John Lennon – “Imagine”
  40. Juanes – “Me Enamora”
  41. Lynyrd Skynyrd – “Free Bird”
  42. Maná – “Oye Mi Amor”
  43. Marilyn Manson – “The Beautiful People”
  44. Metric – “Combat Baby”
  45. The Muffs – “Outer Space”
  46. Night Ranger – “Sister Christian”
  47. Ozzy Osbourne – “Crazy Train”
  48. Paramore – “Misery Business”
  49. Phish – “Llama”
  50. Phoenix – “Lasso”
  51. The Police – “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”
  52. Poni Hoax – “Antibodies”
  53. Pretty Girls Make Graves – “Something Bigger, Something Brighter”
  54. Primus – “Jerry Was a Race Car Driver”
  55. Queen – “Bohemian Rhapsody”
  56. Queens of the Stone Age – “No One Knows”
  57. Rammstein – “Du Hast”
  58. Ramones – “I Wanna Be Sedated”
  59. Ravonettes – “Last Dance”
  60. Rilo Kiley – “Portions for Foxes”
  61. Riverboat Gamblers – “Don’t Bury Me… I’m Still Not Dead”
  62. Roxette – “The Look”
  63. Slipknot – “Before I Forget”
  64. Smash Mouth – “Walkin’ on the Sun”
  65. The Smiths – “Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before”
  66. The Sounds – “Living in America”
  67. Spacehog – “In the Meantime”
  68. Steve Miller Band – “Fly Like an Eagle”
  69. Stone Temple Pilots – “Plush”
  70. Swingin’ Utters – “This Bastard’s Life”
  71. T. Rex – “20th Century Boy”
  72. Tears for Fears – “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”
  73. Tegan and Sara – “The Con”
  74. Them Crooked Vultures – “Dead End Friends”
  75. Tokio Hotel – “Humanoid”
  76. Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – “I Need to Know”
  77. The Vines – “Get Free”
  78. War – “Low Rider”
  79. Warren Zevon – “Werewolves of London”
  80. The White Stripes – “The Hardest Button to Button”
  81. Whitesnake – “Here I Go Again”
  82. The Who – “I Can See for Miles”
  83. Yes – “Roundabout”

I cannot wait to get my hands on the Rock Band 3 Keyboard