Posts Tagged ‘Entertainment Weekly’

TRULY HORRIFYING

Entertainment Weekly‘s Scariest Films of the Past Decade

*Sniff*... Can someone pass me another tissue? *Sniff!*

I guess it was appropriate that I was reading this on the crapper as I about shit myself when I saw this list. These are the SCARIEST FILMS of the PAST DECADE? WTF?

The Ring was the best Hollywood could do in 10 whole years? A little wet bitch crawling out of TV is supposed to scare me… Let alone be the scariest thing I’ve seen in the LAST DECADE? Girl wasn’t even in 3D for chrissakes! Maybe if I felt like the witch had been crawling at me… Nah, who am I kidding? The only way that little girl would’ve scared me is if she’d lifted her head to reveal she was Sarah Palin and then announced, “I’m running for President in 2012.”

Now that would’ve been enough to freeze me dead in agony– my mouth torn agape in fear.

But I didn’t see that. I saw a wet little girl crawl out of a well and into a couple of different living rooms. I didn’t even see how she killed her victims. That was always all off camera.

Puhleeze people. I see scarier shit then this when I go to the Wal-Mart. The only thing scary about this movie is how dated it is because people have to watch a VIDEO TAPE to become cursed.

Do you even know anyone who owns a VCR anymore? I know 1 girl who does and 1 guy who’s looking for one to watch some old anime on. As I said the other day, “Good luck with that search, Bro. There are more pairs of Paris Hilton’s previously worn panties on sale out there than there are VCRs.” (I’ve included a handy link about VCRs for those kids who may have never heard of the machines.)

I’m not even going to attempt to attack the rest of this list– since the results are all subjective anyway. Although, anybody that would put 28 Days Later 4th on this craptacular (below The Descent) should really be thoroughly examined as their taste is… Oh there, I go again.

I’ll shut my mouth. In the meantime you can do what I did with the list– Read it and weep.

UPDATE EDIT:

Finally received the replacement copy for Entertainment Weekly’s San Diego Comic Con issue. Thankfully, “The New Buffy” headline they had splashed on the cover was NOT referencing a possible new Whedon-less Buffy Movie– but was touting the new “Buffy MOTION Comic”.

Which proves that– with the internet– there is no “new” news anymore.

And if I was going to be wrong, I’m glad it was in one of my very first Blog Posts. I’m certain I’ll never go off “half-cocked” again… Ever. ;-)

INSTEAD OF WRITING “THE NEW BUFFY”, WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST WRITE…

“FUCK YOU, BUFFY FANS!”*

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?

* MY APOLOGIES TO JOSS WHEDON IF THIS ANNOUNCEMENT IS NOT ALLUDING TO WHAT I THINK IT IS. BUT IF IT IS REFERENCING WHAT I THINK IT IS… THEN WE’RE FUCKED!